Understanding the Emotional Changes Pet Owners Experience in the 5 Stages of Pet Loss Grief

ImmunityQ&AMeongsiljang Veterinary Advisory Board

We outline the five stages of Pet Loss Syndrome (PLS) grief that pet owners experience after losing their companion animal, and provide guidance on healthy coping strategies for each stage.

What Are the 5 Stages of Pet Loss Grief?

An illustration of waves symbolizing the five stages of pet loss grief

The five stages of pet loss grief are a psychological model that categorizes the emotional journey of pet owners who have lost their companions into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The key point is that these stages do not necessarily occur in order. It's completely normal to feel acceptance one day and then experience anger again the next. Instead of blaming yourself for feeling these emotions as "abnormal," it's important to recognize them as part of the healing process.

Why Is It Important to Understand These Stages?

Proposed in 1969 by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, this five-stage model was originally developed to study the psychological changes in terminally ill patients. Since then, this stage-based grief theory has been used in veterinary medicine as a framework to understand the emotional journey in various loss experiences, including the loss of a pet. Understanding which stage you are currently going through can bring a sense of relief, realizing that "I'm not abnormal." It also helps you better understand and empathize with the emotions experienced by your family or friends.

The 5 Stages of Pet Loss Grief at a Glance

Item	Stage 1: Denial	Stage 2: Anger	Stage 3: Bargaining
Main emotions	Disbelief, numbness	Guilt, resentment	Regret, 'what if' thinking
Representative thoughts	"It feels like they'll come back soon"	"Why didn't I realize sooner"	"If only I could turn back time"
Duration	Varies greatly by individual and is not fixed	Varies greatly by individual and is not fixed	Varies greatly by individual and is not fixed
Recommended coping	Don't suppress your emotions	Express through writing & conversation	Allow yourself enough time to grieve

Stages 1–3 in Detail

Stage 1: Denial – This is the period when it’s hard to accept the reality that your pet has passed away. You might still hear their greeting as you walk through the door, or find yourself unable to put away their food bowl. Stage 2: Anger – Feelings like "Why did this happen to my child?" or "If only the vet had caught it sooner" may arise. This anger can be directed at yourself, your family, or even your veterinarian. Stage 3: Bargaining – You may repeatedly think, "What if I had made a different choice back then?" This is often when guilt feels the strongest.

The appearance of a pet owner experiencing the early stages of pet loss

When Professional Counseling Is Needed

Grief is a natural response, but if the following symptoms persist for an extended period and significantly disrupt daily life, it may indicate complicated grief. In such cases, professional psychological counseling or psychiatric care is recommended. - Prolonged and marked reduction in sleep and appetite - Inability to perform daily activities (such as going to work or managing household chores) - Self-harm or suicidal ideation - Extreme overprotectiveness or anxiety toward other family members or pets - Dependence on alcohol or drugs

Stages 4–5 in Detail

Stage 4: Depression This is the period when emotions feel heaviest. All motivation fades, and daily life may seem colorless. However, this stage is also a "tunnel just before recovery." It’s important not to force yourself to move on too quickly—allow yourself to grieve fully. Stage 5: Acceptance This stage isn’t about sadness disappearing, but rather learning how to live with it. While longing remains, you begin to regain your daily routine and can hold your departed pet in your heart as a warm, cherished memory.

The recovered appearance of a pet owner who has reached the acceptance stage of pet loss

5 Ways to Mourn Healthily

- Emotional Journaling: Spend five minutes each day writing down your memories and feelings about your pet. - Memorial Space: Create a dedicated place to honor your pet’s memory, such as a photo display, a paw print keepsake, or an urn. - Maintain Your Routine: Fill your usual walk time with other activities, like light exercise or reading. - Pet Loss Support Groups: Connect with others who have shared similar experiences. - Wait Until You’re Ready for a New Pet: It’s healthier for both you and your future companion to wait until your grief has been processed and your daily life has stabilized before deciding to adopt again.

Things to Keep in Mind When Supporting Family Members

Please never dismiss a family experiencing pet loss with remarks like, "It’s just an animal," or "Just get another one." Such comments invalidate their grief and can make the healing process much harder. Instead, offer words of empathy, such as, "I can only imagine how difficult this is for you," or, "You must miss them so much." If there are children involved, do not hide the truth from them; explaining death honestly and in an age-appropriate manner supports healthy grieving.

Reviewed by a veterinarian

Dr. Tony — Punnawat Phongkittirak

Veterinarian

A veterinarian who majored in veterinary medicine at Khon Kaen University, Thailand, and completed the IVSA program at North Carolina State University in the United States. Drawing on clinical experience at animal hospitals, he works in the pet healthcare field and is dedicated to building a digital care environment that connects pet parents with veterinarians.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does pet loss grief typically last?

The grieving process varies greatly from person to person, and there is no set timeline. It is a natural part of healing to feel longing for an extended period. However, if your sadness persists for a long time and makes it difficult to carry out daily activities or causes significant impairment in your functioning, we recommend seeking professional support.

Do they always go through all five stages in order?

No. It’s more common to skip steps or go back to an earlier one. The five stages are just a guide, not a fixed path.

Will getting a new pet help ease my grief more quickly?

It could actually backfire. You might find yourself comparing the new pet to the one you lost, or feeling guilty toward the new companion. It’s best to wait until your grief has been properly processed and your daily routine has somewhat returned to normal before making that decision.

How should I explain a pet’s death to my children?

It’s better to explain honestly, like saying, “They were in pain, and now they’re no longer suffering,” rather than using vague phrases like “fell asleep” or “went far away.” It’s also important to let your child feel their sadness by crying with them, rather than trying to suppress their emotions.

Can Pet Loss Syndrome be treated at a veterinary clinic?

Yes, you can receive treatment at a psychiatric clinic or a psychological counseling center. If symptoms of sleep disorders or depression are severe, health insurance may apply. There are also free pet loss counseling programs operated by local governments.

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References

[1] Kübler-Ross, E., On Death and Dying, Routledge, 1969

[2] Packman W. et al., Continuing Bonds and Psychosocial Adjustment in Pet Loss, Journal of Loss and Trauma, 2011

[3] American Veterinary Medical Association, Pet Loss and Bereavement Guidelines, 2020